Michael Gervais
Mini Bio:
Dr. Michael Gervais is a trailblazer in human performance psychology, driven by a lifelong passion for understanding the intricacies of the human mind. Raised in an environment that fostered intellectual curiosity, he embarked on a journey of self-discovery that ultimately led him to become a leading authority in his field. With a profound understanding of mindset and resilience, Gervais has dedicated his career to empowering individuals to unlock their full potential and achieve peak performance in all aspects of life.
Drawing from his extensive experience working with elite athletes, corporate leaders, and individuals from diverse backgrounds, Gervais brings a unique perspective to the table. He advocates for a holistic approach to personal development, emphasizing the interconnectedness of mind, body, and spirit. Beyond his professional endeavors, Gervais finds joy in exploring the outdoors, immersing himself in nature’s beauty, and seeking inspiration from the natural world. His unwavering commitment to helping others thrive and his belief in the power of resilience continue to inspire countless individuals on their journey towards personal growth and fulfillment.
VIDEOS
BOOKS
PODCASTS
On Finding Mastery, Dr. Gervais sits down with the best at what they do, like David Goggins, Brene Brown, Toto Wolff, soccer legend Abby Wambach, neuroscientist Dr. Andrew Huberman, and Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella — translating their life stories, mental skills, and personal practices into applicable tools you can use to unlock your potential.
Walk with us to the edge of human possibility and learn what you are capable of. New episodes every Wednesday.
Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky is a Professor of Psychology at UC Riverside and one of the world’s leading researchers on happiness. Her newest book, How to Feel Loved, co-authored with relationship scientist Harry Reis, lands at a strange moment: a time when more people than ever say they are connected, and more people than ever say they don’t actually feel it. In this conversation with Dr. Michael Gervais, Sonja offers a quietly radical reframe. After 36 years of studying what makes a life happy, she has come to believe the answer lies in this: Feeling loved.
And here is where it gets interesting. Sonja’s research is showing that feeling loved is not something we have to wait for. It’s something we can help create. Most of us, when we sense the absence, default to one of two strategies. We try to be more lovable. Or we try to change the person on the other side. Sonja argues that neither one actually works. What changes a relationship is changing the conversation.
She walks Mike through the five mindsets at the heart of the book: the sharing mindset, listening to learn, radical curiosity, open heart, and multiplicity. Along the way, they explore why most of us are listening to respond instead of listening to learn, the three words people actually want to hear (hint: it’s not I love you), and why ‘tell me more’ might be one of the most loving phrases in the English language. Sonja shares her foggy glass metaphor for why being known is the prerequisite to being loved, the Michelangelo effect, and a striking line the Dalai Lama once said to her about how we hold each other.
The conversation also gets honest about the harder edges. Bridging political divides at the dinner table. Staying curious about a partner of 30 years. Navigating the modern questions around AI companions, monogamy, and what it means to really go deep with another human. And the research on what tiny acts of kindness, including the impact a 10-second compliment can have.
If you’ve ever been surrounded by people who love you and still felt unseen, this conversation is a gentle invitation back in. The good news is that feeling loved is under your control, more than you think. Sonja’s research will show you exactly where to start.
Most of us are waiting to feel loved. Sonja shows us how to create the conditions for it… starting today.
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Links & Resources
This episode is brought to you in part by our partner Sunlighten, the company that has pioneered infrared sauna technology. Go to https://findingmastery.com/sunlighten to see how you can save up to $2,200 on their mPulse Intelligent Sauna.
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Book: How to Feel Loved by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Harry Reis. Learn more and take the mindset quiz at howtofeellove.com
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